Thursday, December 26, 2013

I need my space

My sister has come down with her family and so most days have been spent with them. My nephew who is almost five, follows Raghav wherever he goes and whatever he does, not leaving him out of his sight even for a single moment! They have had their share of tiffs and showdowns, but have mostly got along really well.

Today however, when I got a call from my sister, asking me what we could do, Raghav told me that he didn't want to spend time with them, and wanted to just be home with me. :) I asked him why and when we got talking, he shared so much more about how and what he was feeling. He said that after spending a whole day with his cousin, he needed a whole day off, to be by himself and feel better. " I need my space amma," he said quietly.

Then, we got talking some more. He came out with some observations of his little brother, which stunned me! He said, "Amma, A does not know how to say that he is bored and does not know how to say that he wants to stop doing something and do something else! So he starts bothering me." I nodded and smiled, thinking about how he had made these astute observations, and yet did not himself know how to tell his cousin brother this, or help him find a better way to express himself. And that is because, Raghav himself  has a difficulty in expressing how he is feeling about some things! :)

While I am astounded by his observations of people, I am also surprised and relieved that he knows what he needs so clearly at this young age, and understands the value of honouring one's own needs and space.  After all, I do believe that it is only when one is honoured and respected for who one is, can one reciprocate that...and only when you honour your needs and your space, can you honour someone else's.

So yes, I did honour his need and stayed home with him. I also was his voice to my sister and had to explain to her why he wanted to be home by himself. And yes, it was perhaps something that she did not expect or appreciate, and was difficult perhaps to understand, but we had to still honour our needs. We did just that.

We hung up on each other with heavy hearts perhaps, but later that afternoon, when the phone rang and I picked it up, it was my sister again asking if R would like to go with them to the light house, and when I asked him, he readily agreed to go along!

I truly believe this yet again, that when you honour your needs and do so without judging yourself or
the other, so many possibilities open up, that you wouldn't even have imagined were possible.
So give yourself some space when you need to, and you will find yourself  making space for the other quite unwittingly!

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful post.Please accept my standing ovation.He knows the importance of being loving towards himself.And he is not judgemental of his cousin.Doesnt have a superior air around him while saying that his little cousin bothers him.No ego.Just sharing his thoughts and how he feels,wih his mother.He is secure in the knowledge that he wont be judged,too.
    Nice post.Read this twice.Thanks for sharing it here.
    Please let me share something here.I have a two year old girl.She refuses to share her toys.Everytime, I tell her that it is good to share but never force her.Because, each time, Raghav comes to my mind.I am talking about a post you did where you said he will share when is ready to,it should not be forced upon him.Thanks again, for sharing that post.



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