Friday, August 23, 2013

What lies beneath

Raghav has been into types of cars and car-racing of late. A trained mind (like my old one!) would often only see what lies out in the open - what is tangible, visible, quantifiable and measurable, not so much what lies beneath. So what thoughts would cars and car racing bring to this kind of a mind? Types of cars, how cars were made, history of racing, names of racers, speeds, and things like that - right?

Right, but not any more though! Now I like getting into this roller coaster journey with all my senses on high alert, waiting for and enjoying the mystery of what unfolds in the most unexpected places and in the most unexpected ways! And so it has been with this new passion for cars that he read on to find out more....

Raghav loved cars even when he was a little kid. But of late, he has been wanting to delve deep into the world of cars and racing. So we found some cool car racing challenges on the App store, that he  downloaded and now plays almost everyday. He has also been watching some old recorded programmes of Formula 1 Racing on TV, and wanting to find out so many things about racing, cars and related stuff on the internet - stuff like "what is drag", what is the "DRS", what are the different flags used in racing and what they mean, the different car companies; we watched Youtube videos on how Lamborghini and Porsche cars are made; he looked at pictures of different cars and built models of those with his Lego, and even played a game with me where I would name a car and he would quickly do a make-over of one of the models, by adding or taking away a few pieces, to make it look like the one I wanted! Then he would set up a mini race track on the bed and race them along, declaring winners and awarding trophies to all. He would calculate speeds of cars (convert from kilometres per hour into miles per hour), figure out how many years ago it was made and therefore how old the car was, would repaint his car in colours of his choice as many times as he wanted to, would figure out how much money (against points earned in the game) he needed to get a car of his choice, and weave dreams of all the cars he wants to own when he grows up.

One day, we were driving back home after dropping in to see my dad. Usually, Raghav plays his music in the car and sings along loudly. But he had forgotten his pen drive with all his music. So instead, he decided he would sing on his own and talk to me when he needed a break. Soon however, there was no break :), as he chatted non-stop about his car racing games, enlightening me on a subject that I had hardly any interest in! Then out of the blue, came this, from him:

"You know, when you win all the time, you don't learn anything anymore, because you already know how to beat the other person. But when you lose, you learn so much....because you try and find out what you can do to beat the other person and win. You learn more when you lose. I learned this while playing my Real Racing Challenge."

Whoa! That hit me hard and deep.

I recalled how all these years, I had struggled with this with Raghav and myself. He hated losing; he always had to win! That used to get my goat. I had wanted him to be perfect...and selfless... and "good". He was none of that. Conscious parenting helped me make the shift inside and let go of what I was holding onto. Inside of me. Fear. That's what it was.

And then, when that gave and I broke free, I freed him too. I freed myself, so he could be himself.

Today, yet again, I realised the power of letting go. What he said was like a sudden dive for me into the darkness, on a roller coaster ride! My heart sank; my stomach churned; and I felt the sheer beauty and joy of not knowing what lies beneath, until it is revealed on its own. That for me is the magic of all learning and being.


  1. Love this! :)
    Thanks for sharing your roller coaster ride!

  2. Wow.Such deep stuff from a child. I am amazed.
    Thank you for sharing.


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