Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Soul calling

Today our computer service guy was at home and watching Raghav build with his Lego. The computer is in the room where Raghav has all his toys and stuff. After the Golu, Raghav moved all the things he had built to this room and laid them out as part of another city with roads et al. This is very usual in our house! There is very little space to move around for adults as you can see and this poor guy had to navigate his way through it all, without treading or breaking anything, to sit at the computer and do what he had to, after listening to strict instructions from Raghav!

But by the time he was ready to leave, I think he had understood how passionate Raghav was about Lego, for he told me this : "Did he build all this stuff on his own? Even the Taj Mahal and this bridge?!.....you said he did it in three days! Wow! You must put this on some TV channel!"

I shared what he had told me with Raghav, who was as usual lost in his own world of building things and he promptly said this: "Oh! Actually I was thinking of the same thing amma! Why don't we start our own TV channel and put all my videos there?! I would love that! I want people to know about me."

So I sat down and explained what a TV channel was and how we could not really start that on our own so easily, and I gave him the option of a Youtube channel of his own, which he wanted to create right away! So watch out for this soon folks!

Earlier, I would have cringed with embarrassment at wanting to do something like that or wondered why my son wanted all that - something that people would usually call publicity. I like to be modest in what I do and even now am like that. But I am letting go of that too, to give way to what my son wants - that he is passionate about Lego and wants to share that with the world. All this while I had this label that I was trying to fight - the label that his earlier school had given him - "he has an attitude" is what they told us. It was very hard to hear that as parents for us. It angered my husband even more than me and he has not yet been able to let go of that. But I have..... I have let go of that anger. Earlier, every time he did something or said something straight from his heart, I would judge my son, just by letting this label feed my thoughts. Now I understand the space from where his and my thoughts stem. I understand that to him it is nothing more than wanting to be known. I feel that it is we adults who attach other labels to these thoughts and needs that children have - we think of it as pride or having an attitude or showing off. To my child it is but a yearning for self-expression. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Every time my son has a need that I find hard to fulfill - only because of these walls that I have built in my mind and heart, I think of a story that we saw on one of the BBC DVDs. It is about a little mother bird who lays her eggs in the ice, and when the chick grows, she leaves it there amidst freezing temperatures and treacherous blizzards to fly thousands of miles to warmer seas.... just to get her little one some food......not knowing whether she will make it back, and whether the chick would survive the cold alone. That bird inspires me to do things for my son however hard it maybe at times for me.....if a little bird can show me how to be and do it fearlessly, I too can! That is what I tell myself every time I feel I have reached my limit. My problems then melt away and I find a renewed faith and spirit to keep going and pushing my limits.

I feel that there is something natural that every soul wants to do or express ....to share what it has gathered in its journey in this lifetime with others in its own unique way...and I feel strongly now that we as a species try and suppress that need or way of being fully, by giving each one a label. How I wish this world would be a free place......where everything including love is shared freely and openly....perhaps everyone's lives would be better then.

After all, isn't that what we are all here for? To find our calling? To find ourselves and be ourselves? Our soul calling!

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