On Opinions

I was getting the water ready for Raghav's bath this morning. And like he usually does, he relieved himself, washed his hands and went off to dry them out with a towel. And like I usually do, I asked him why he would want to do that, when he was anyway going to wet his whole body, including his hands, just a few seconds later, when he was going to have a bath! Usually, he would just smile to me and not even consider answering my question. Well, today he obliged!

Here is yet another priceless conversation we had, and of course while he was sitting in his tub of water....where he usually gives his morning durbar! :)

"I just like to do it that way!", he replied with a smile.

"Does that mean you can do whatever you like just because you like doing it that way?", I joked.

He of course smiled and answered me very seriously.

"Yeah....it is not bothering me....so yes, I can do it because I like doing it this way," he said.

Me: "So as long as it doesn't bother you, you can do whatever you like....is that what you are saying? But what if that bothers me?"

R: "Well, if it bothers you, then it is your problem!"

Me: "Does that mean I can do anything I want to, as long as it does not bother me? Like say killing someone or hurting someone..."

R: "No....not things like killing, punching someone, and all that kind of stuff....but getting angry, yes....as long as it does not bother me."

Me: "So what makes you think that killing or hitting someone or hurting them physically is not what you can do?"

R: "I don't know. That's just my opinion."

Me (surprised that he used that word): "What is an opinion?"

R: "It is what you think or feel about something."

Me: "So you think or feel that hurting someone physically is something that should not be done?"

R: "Yes...that is my opinion. We all have opinions on things no?"

Me: "Yes...so how do you think having an opinion helps, or doesn't help?"

R (after some thought) : "I don't know. I don't know how they help us. But when we have different opinions, and we want to change the other person's opinion, it usually leads to an argument."

Me: "How? Can you give an example?"

R: "Like for example if I think that the earth is round, and you think the earth is flat, we each have an opinion about how the earth is....and when I feel that what you are thinking is wrong and want to change that, it leads to an argument....because our opinions are different."

His words left me quite stunned and defenseless. Later however, I went up to him and asked him where he had heard this word, how he had discovered its meaning, and how he had figured out all this about opinions, and this is what he shared with me:
"Well, I have heard Blitzwinger use it in so many of his videos in MineCraft. I figured out the meaning on my own. He keeps saying 'if you have an opinion, please leave it in the comments section', which I never do! The rest, I just figured out on my own. I just know.....and I don't know how."

What's Minecraft got to do with Writing and History?

What's Minecraft got to do with writing and history??
Well, what's Minecraft not got to do with something, would be a better question to ask I think!

Yesterday, Raghav called me to show all his new updates in his world in Minecraft - a regular feature that happens every day, or every other day. And I was surprised to see what he had created and his new interest in 'writing'. For a child whose dislike for school started with being forced to write any more than he wanted to, and more so when it started eating into his play time, to have come this far today, is an achievement that fills me with joy and gratitude for Life, who showed me the path that I needed to take with him.

Here is what he shared with me, as part of the many other things that he had created yesterday.....
It is a conversation that he has recorded by typing it all out in his 'KEEP IN TOUCH BOOK' in his Minecraft world, between him (denoted by 'r') and the 'Red Village Leader' (denoted by 'rvl'), about some events that transpired yesterday in the world! It's truly amazing the things one can do and create with Minecraft, which I have myself been watching and learning only of late, from and with him. I can see now how for him, it is like an artist's palette and canvas, where so many worlds are created inside worlds....

The 'Keep in Touch' book is his own idea for a name

the conversation between him and the village leader

A little note I found by his computer, which I think are his 'notes' of coordinates to the village in his Mesa World :)

What amazed me was his new interest in writing, which was one of the sore points many years ago, for his wanting to quit school. He stopped writing then, except for special occasions like people's birthdays when he would make a card or something for them, or when he would help me occasionally with my shopping list, or when he wanted to make labels for things he had built with Lego. We never forced him to write at all, nor did we even ask about or mention writing with him after he quit school. We simply let it go. And this is the first time he has written so much in all these years!

Here is the conversation between me and him when I saw what he had written....

R: This is a conversation between me and the Red Village Leader about things that happened in my Mesa World today.
Me: Ok. How long did you take to type all this?
R: About five minutes I think.
M: How did you get this idea to put it down like a conversation? I love it! Did you happen to read my blog sometime or happen to watch me type out our conversations on the blog? Because I have used the same idea!
R: I knew you would love this! No, I haven't seen that....I didn't get the idea from you...I thought of it on my own.....but it is funny that we thought of the same thing!
Me: So why did you want to do this?
R: I wanted to record what happened somewhere....the catastrophe which happened! So I decided to write it down in my 'Keep in Touch' Book. And this is not only about writing it all down. It is about history too....about things which happened in a particular order in a place.
Me (smiling): Ok....So, are you also your own best friend?
R (smiling back) :Yes.....kind of!

I smiled and hugged him. I told him how much I loved this idea and the execution. And I quietly wondered how he had  figured out on his own, what 'history' actually meant to him! Watching my son learn gives me a real high :)

I remembered how frustrated he used to get with writing even on those few occasions, when the letters would not turn out the way he wanted them to look.....he wanted them to be perfect.....he hated making a mistake and rubbing it off or striking it out. He would just scream, get up and walk away from it and never come back to it. I also remembered how he had told me once about how the teachers at school expected them to know spellings of words without having taught them, or without them having enough opportunity to have seen those words. "How can they expect us to know the spellings that they haven't taught us? How can they expect every letter, every time, to be perfect?", he would ask. And I would listen in silence.

Today I am happy that he is enjoying writing in his own way. I am happy that he has figured it out on his own - the spellings, punctuation, spacing, formatting and expressing his creativity in his own way. I am most happy that I don't know how he learned all this. I am most happy that Life did not let me into this secret! Oh, what joy it is to experience this today! :) I am filled with gratitude for Life, who has shown me yet again in her own way, that we are on the path that was meant for us to take.....

So yes, this is not 'writing' if one is looking at the traditional idea of writing as what one does with a pen and paper. But this is perhaps what 'writing' is today.....in a world where technology reigns.....
For some of us who perhaps don't want to change with the times, it perhaps rules the mind, bringing up many fears about our future - the fear of loss of years of culture and civilization and beauty......but for some who seem to be 'in tune' with the changing world, I wonder if it perhaps becomes the palette of a spirit that knows not only how to survive, but also how to dream and thrive and look for beauty in new ways.

The Things We Do For Love, With Love....

This morning, Raghav posed me a new challenge - he wanted to have Minecraft 'mobs' dosas for breakfast!! Yes, dosas in the shape of mobs from Minecraft.

At first, I told him how I thought that would be impossible for me to do, but he egged me on, saying he would help find pictures for me to copy. I asked if he could draw them out for me.
"But amma, why do you want me to draw? Can't you take a picture of those in your head and just go make them?", he asked.
"Yeah, I could. But I think it would help if you drew them out, as I could keep that paper with me in the kitchen while I make them, instead of going back and forth from the kitchen to the computer," I added.

So he acceded to my request and drew them out for me.....
One was a 'wither' with three heads, and the other was the 'side-view of an Enderman holding a block'!! :) Phew! Now that was going to be one helluva challenge for me! Well, I took it...

His instructions for me....

And I got down to work! Here was my canvas and  my brush......it was fun! :)

And here was how they turned out....my son was thrilled, despite arms and faces falling off!
"Not bad amma!", he said as he gobbled them up one by one.

The Wither

The Enderman - side-view, holding a block

The Enderman - turned and ready!

Yumm!

And then, I made one more for him, on my own, as a surprise!

Creeper face!

He had already washed his hands, when I told him that I had a surprise for him. And when he saw it, he beamed like a thousand light bulbs and said:"There is no way I am not going to eat that one!"

Sigh! The things we do for love, with love.....that's what makes this life worthwhile! :)

A Minecraft Birthday Wish!

Raghav eats, breathes, drinks Minecraft these days.....and here is what he created for his little cousin brother's birthday today....a Minecraft Birthday wish and some builds of a rocket launch centre, especially for his little brother who loves rockets! :)

While I stand stunned everyday, watching the possibilities that this one game opens up for my son!

Watch this little movie to see what he created....

Happy Birthday

Minecraft, Trust and Friendship

It is funny and strange how some conversations have their seed in the past and in the future. Much like a dandelion....some conversations start in one place and their many seeds are carried over and across to so many spaces and interactions over time....and it is beautiful to see the pattern, the flow and the journey those seeds take. This was one such conversation....

Yesterday, Raghav expressed a desire to play Minecraft with friends. I was suggesting that he go online and play, as none of his friends here were into Minecraft.

"But I have to have seen or know the person I play with. I cannot play with someone I don't know," he said quite emphatically.

And so he wanted us (my husband and me) to play with him. I agreed to try if he taught me, and also asked if he would like me to ask my friend's son who he had met here and played Minecraft with a few months ago. He was immediately all excited. So I sat and wrote to her, sharing his request.

"But why do you feel that you cannot play with someone you don't know?", I prodded on.
"Because I don't trust them. I cannot play with someone I don't trust....someone whose identity I don't know," he added. And we left it at that.

Later at night, I was telling Raghav how I was going to be in another room, talking to my friend on skype. "Who is that? Is it ***?", he asked. I smiled and said 'yes'.
"But how do you talk to *** when you haven't even seen *** before?", he asked quite surprised.
"I don't know...but I like talking to *** and *** is my friend," I said.
Strangely, my friend and I also ended up talking about trust in our conversation although the conversations flowed from elsewhere! :)

This morning, I broached the same topics again with him.
"Yesterday, you were talking about trust....how you can't trust someone you haven't met or don't know....so what does trust mean to you? What does it make you feel inside?", I asked.
With a little more prodding and some choices, he was able to tell me how with some people that he trusted, he was relaxed, comfortable and happy, and how with some others he felt anxious. And then, he came up with this...

"Both people have to feel the same way about trust, for them to trust each other," he said.

"Like I trust you and appa and Joel and Sadie and thatha and patti....and I feel that with the three of us, we feel the same way about trust.....do you think you and appa feel the same way about trust, the way I do?", he asked.

"....I think you do....but with my friends and thatha and patti, I am not sure they feel the same way about trust like I do.....so if I were to play Minecraft with you or appa, and you kill me, then the next time, I would still play the same thing with you again......but with anyone else, even if I trust them, if they kill me in Minecraft, I cannot and will not play that again with them....but I may play something else. So I trust them for some things, but not other things," he added.

"Yes....I understand....so you feel that you can trust appa and me for everything and that we three feel the same way about trust....yes, and  that is how I feel with this friend of mine too....I trust *** for everything. Trust is something that I just know and feel inside," I said.

What a beautiful conversation that was....much like a piece of embroidery, being woven slowly with magic and wonder and a lot of heart. Yes, trust is the basis of any relationship....the foundation....on which everything else gets created. Trust is like a stick-it note - it just is or happens in the very first moment of the interaction...and once it is peeled off or removed, it will not stick on easily again.

Minecraft and We Come Alive!

Of late, Raghav has been asking a lot of questions about his body and I kind of sensed what was on its way.....but never in my wildest of dreams did I think that it would come up through Minecraft!

Here are some of the questions that came up from him just before he was getting ready for a bath a few days ago:
What are these two things? (feeling his breast area and nipples)
Why do men and boys have them?
Why are they different for women?
Why does this (pointing to his penis) stand up erect after I go to the bathroom?
I have seen you 'nanga panga' (naked) many a time, but I haven't seen your thing (my genitals). How is it different for you?
Why do only men have these two things hanging (pointing to his testes)? I know they are the testes and I think they produce the sperm cells. But why don't women have these?
Does it hurt for babies when the umbilical cord is cut? Why do they have to cut it? Won't it just fall off by itself?
I think there are more girls than boys in the world. Is that right? Why is it like that? Why are there not equal numbers of both?

These were questions that I don't remember asking anyone while I was growing up. No one talked to me about growing up, puberty, sex and my body. All that I remember is that my parents handed me a book on sex education when I had just started my periods I think. And that was that. Most conversations on these topics were with school friends and our Biology teacher (he had an awesome sense of humour by the way, which freed us and our thoughts and feelings). Somehow I don't remember being so curious about my body and asking so many questions. Perhaps school and being with friends (it was a co-ed school from KG till the 12th) took care of all the curiosity. So in many ways, I am grateful to Life for not giving me experiences that 'conditioned' me (at least to a large extent) in a 'negative' way, at least in this one aspect of my life. I formed my own opinions about my body and my sexuality. And so I was able, today, to share my thoughts and some knowledge with my son with a pure innocence, without thinking about what I should tell him and how. However, I also remembered the day Raghav came back home from school and sobbed and sobbed asking me why he was not allowed to sit next to, hug and talk to his best friend (who happened to be a girl), when all he was doing was showing how much he loved her.....just like the way the three of us hugged each other at home.....and he was all of four then!

The questions for which I knew the answers, I gave him. I felt it was important to name all the parts by their 'real' names first. So that was what I did....and for the rest, reminded him about BrainPop, the Kidshealth.org website that we often go to and the Human Body Encyclopaedia that we have. And also suggested he have a man-to-man chat with his father when he came back home. Most often, I find that Raghav just needs this little nudge or a pointer rather, as to where and how to look or find out, and then he is often neck deep in whatever he has chosen to explore :)

He then went on to explain to me how he had seen a video on Brainpop about how sperms are produced and how when the egg meets the sperm, an embryo is formed. Then the conversation flowed to AIDS, what it stands for and how one gets it. In all this, there was no talk about 'how' exactly the body fluids meet and what actually happens. But I let that be and decided not give him what he did not ask for now.

I also had a feeling after this barrage of questions, that he would very soon ask me if he could see my genitals, as he has mentioned that before in passing. That is going to be a huge test for me and I also know deep down that I have to face the fear that I have about that. But I also feel that it is better if he asks me and I can tell or show him, rather than his getting misinformation from somewhere else some day. Not that that would make a huge difference, because we are all anyway constantly unlearning stuff! But I would. I would want to if it comes to that. However I feel about it now.

I also remembered a conversation some of us had at the special school I was working at years ago, on sexuality and the disabled. I remembered how a mother who was also on the staff rolls, shared with us how she would not hesitate to help her son masturbate or seek sexual gratification from a prostitute even, instead of curbing his natural urges. That conversation has stuck in my head. That opened up so much for me. And I am thankful to that truly magical place that has given me so much in my life, made me question everything that I believed in, and constantly spurred me to think and see things with new eyes.

Today, while we were driving for our weekly veggie shopping, instead of listening to music like we usually do , Raghav decided he would talk about a Minecraft Mod. The name of the Mod was "Minecraft Comes Alive". And what was that about? Marriage, having children, relationships, happiness levels, doing chores, and much more!
"Yes amma, this is much more real than the other mods," Raghav beamed, and went on to explain what one could do with this mod.
"But I don't understand why you would need to get married to have children. I mean....marriage was invented by humans right? It is not something of the body.....the body does not say - ok, now marriage is invented, so I can reproduce or have children...I am sure and I know that before marriage was invented people must have just had children....just like that," he added.
I agreed and also shared how some people adopt kids, how some people have kids and then get divorced, and so they are no longer 'married' in that sense, and how some people just have children without getting married at all. But I was quite baffled with his previous comments and asked him how he knew all that about marriage.

"I have been to marriages before haven't I....with you? I know because I have seen what we do in them....we have all those ceremonies and stuff.....all that has to be man-made right? But it is not what the body asks for is it?", he said.
"Yes....what does marriage mean to you then? How are babies born then?", I prodded on.
"I don't know....but I know that marriage is man-made, and that you don't need to be married to have children.... and when the sperm cells somehow are around the female, babies are formed," he added.
I smiled, realizing finally that this was the innocence of a child speaking. He knew so much and was even able to think through so much on his own and form his own opinions, and yet he did not know how exactly the sperm and the egg came together to form a baby. And so I told him. I gave him the word for it and explained how a baby could form - how the male organ had to get inside the female organ. We spoke about periods and how that was linked to the egg being produced. We also talked about what the chances were of girls and boys being born and why, connected it to pollination in plants and the countless seeds that a plant produces just to help it survive, how nature works and does whatever possible to make things survive.  Then he brought up 'happiness levels' and how villagers in Minecraft could go away if their happiness levels get below a particular point. And we spoke about how in the real world, we choose to stay on or walk away from relationships and why, how we don't always seek an easy, quick solution to a problem, just because we are unhappy and so on. He also wondered how the children in this Mod, can walk and talk and understand words, just soon after they were born! "How is that even possible amma?", he asked. And we laughed....at the realism and unreal-ism in Minecraft. What a conversation that was!

I am grateful to Minecraft for bringing these topics up in a fun, light way. I guess it made my job all the more easy, although I never dreamed that this talk would actually happen in this way! :)
I am also grateful to Life for showing me the way yet again, to trust my child, and trust what he wants to learn and how. I know that many more questions will come up, now that we have dug into this mine, and I will wait for them patiently, knowing that he will ask us without fear, and that Life will show me the way.

I just have to trust Life completely. I just have to wake up to being real and alive, messy and human, innocent and vulnerable, as many times as Life asks me to. There is just no other way. For me.

Minecraft - Enemies and Friends!

I love the long conversations we have every morning, as soon as Raghav wakes up, even if they mostly focus on Minecraft  these days, about which I know very little! That time is precious, as of late it has been the only time in the day when Raghav gives me his complete attention and is away from the iPad, besides ofcourse the time we go cycling. And so, it is almost like a morning song for me. I love listening to his words with their characteristic cadence, his recent switch from a predominantly British accent to the new sing-song American accent, words rolling like marbles over his tongue, and his inimitable expressions that accompany them. I wouldn't want to exchange this time for anything else in the world! :)

A few days ago, Raghav and I were in the midst of one such morning conversation, that sometimes can last for more than an hour. He was wanting me to learn some of the characters in Minecraft (creepers, endermen, ghasts, zombies, etc.), what they do, how they can be destroyed and so on. He was explaining to me why they were enemies and how one could tame them and make them one's friends, so that they would help you against other enemies. It sounded interesting and I was all ears!

Here is what he said:

"Amma, they are your enemies, but you can tame them. To tame them, you have to destroy them or kill them first. Then, they will leave something behind, which you can take and use to tame them and make them your friends....and what they drop or leave behind is what is precious to them and they use to attack you sometimes...so if you pick that up when they get destroyed, and right click on that, you will see lot of hearts coming out, which means that you start loving them, and then they will become your minion and help you....so even though they were your enemies, you can make them your friends by loving them and by using their weapon to make them your friend."

What a wonderful life lesson learned through play! Yes, ultimately love is the only emotion that has the power to break a heart open to love isn't it?

Minecraft and Letting Go....

I was stirring the pulao that I was cooking, soaking in the aromas of the vegetables and spices...soaking in my thoughts of some things that had come up in my recent conversations with a friend...watching my mind go into rewind as old memories that had settled down like fine dust, seemed to have suddenly been stirred....a whisper from somewhere inside seemed to now scream  to me - "Let go! Let go!"...Perhaps I should let go...

A few minutes later, I was sitting at my computer, when I read something with this quote ~

“A ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for.”
~ Albert Einstein

Was that a signal for me? I wondered, as my eyes wandered up to meet the sea and the sky, that were drawing me into their arms. Was I ready to let go?
"You will know when you are ready, just as softly and naturally as your gaze shifted now to meet us", they seemed to say to me.

The still waters were disturbed by the ripples that were born from a quiet cry from Raghav. Something had upset him, while I was away with my thoughts. I went close to him, met his eyes with mine, and hugged him. His eyes were full of beads of tears, hanging in there on the edge. They seemed to be waiting for me to come and wipe them away. And then, Raghav shared what had happened.

He had been trying to build a recycling centre while playing MineCraft, and had used lava to fill in one of the containers. That proved to be a disaster as the whole building caught fire and would not stop. He was in tears.....desperately trying to put out the fire, as it was destroying everything that he had built! I realised as he was talking to the water, asking it to pour itself out fast and more, that the fire was REAL for him. He managed to build a wall around the place to prevent it from spreading. All along, tears streamed down his face. His  little world was being destroyed right in front of his eyes. He could not take that.

And then, he realised that in his urgency to put out the fire, he had poured too much water, and his recycling plant was already gone. Now he had a problem with too much water! So he started using gold blocks to build over the water. But that wouldn't work, as there was too much water and he could not figure out where it started and ended! So he had to build walls around it and turn it into a waterfall.

He then took a break and we spoke about how he was feeling. There were so many words that came up - 'anger', 'sadness', 'mad at myself', 'helpless' and some more. I was amazed at the vocabulary of emotions that he was feeling and now expressing. "I just don't even want to look at that waterfall", he told me. "It makes me very very sad when I see it." 

"The recycling centre is gone.....just gone!", he cried. I knew that feeling.....that feeling of saying goodbye to something that you loved dearly. Letting go is often hard. I was still struggling like him to let go of so many things.

Then he went on to reflect a little more -

"Atleast I am happy that I managed to build a wall, so that the fire didn't spread and destroy Creepville."

" I shouldn't have used lava, I shouldn't have put the wool next to the lava.....that's what made the fire spread, because that is inflammable....I should have used stone or gold blocks instead."

"I made a mistake, but atleast it was not big enough to destroy everything that I had built!"

I got back to the pulao that was cooking on my stove, while he settled down to give the finishing touches to the waterfall that he had created out of the disaster. He then came up to the kitchen with tears in his eyes and held up his iPad to show me something. Right near the wall that he had built around the waterfall, he had made a little board in memory of the disaster that read: " The great fire of creepville took place here :( "

We hugged each other and shared a few silent tears. We were both in the same boat...

Perhaps he had learned to let go...

I am still learning... 

I wonder if we would know and be able to feel the beauty of the present moment, if we had no memories and things to let go of.

Letting go is beautiful...much like the wispy dreams that you hold in your heart and set free into the heart of the Universe....memories may come back to haunt you again some other time, some other day....and in that coming back, you will also remember the sweetness of how you chose to let go....

Minecraft Love!

A few weeks ago, Raghav discovered Minecraft, all on his own, while watching some Lego Undercover videos on his iPad. I remember how he came up to me that day and excitedly shared with me his newest discovery! 

From that moment, he has been (for most parts of every day) onto watching Minecraft videos non-stop, from the moment he wakes up until the moment his eyes close! If he could, I am sure he would love to stay up all night to watch :) Such is his love for the game.

Raghav's favourite haunt these days :)

About a week ago, he announced to me that he wanted to download the Minecraft App on the iPad as he was now ready to play it. We talked about it for a while, as I wanted to be sure about whether he really wanted to play it and whether he actually liked it. It was only when I started talking to him about it that I realised that he had actually already taught himself how to play the game. "Amma, I already know how to play it. I learned by watching those videos!", he said excitedly. It was a moment that imbued the undiluted joy of self-learning.

So now that he was all set to play it, we downloaded the app and then, Raghav was lost in his own Minecraft world :)

Here are some of his amazing creations in Minecraft, in the Creative mode, which is what he is enjoying and exploring now. And I realise what a wonderful little world he has created for himself....a tree house, an underwater house where you can live in, a lighthouse, an ice-skating rink, statues, waterfalls with a view point, an ore museum, and much much more!

Here are some photos of his creations so far.....

Minecraft creations from Priya Desikan
 

I also see an explosion in the language he is using now! Whoever still says that the best way for kids to learn new words in a language is by reading books, is I think living in a different age and time. I am astonished at the words he has started using now, so matter-of-factually, without blinking an eye lid, and with complete understanding of the meaning - "Epic", "overwhelming",  "insane", "awesome" and many others that I cannot recall off the cuff now.

He has also been creating name boards for his creations, with much more complex words and sentences now. I was quite surprised to see him do that with no help from me. When I asked him how he knew so many words and their spellings, he very nonchalantly said :" Oh! I just learned them over time amma!" :)

Some days ago, my husband and I were listening to some of our favourite music and singing, while Raghav sat beside us playing Minecraft. It seemed to us that he was not listening or paying attention to what we were doing, as he was talking to himself about Minecraft. But all of a sudden, he put his iPad down and decided that he was going to dance to the music like some of his Minecraft characters!

Well, we would have wondered as to what Minecraft and Rahat Fateh Ali Khan could possibly have in common. But not he! :) Anything is possible with a little bit of love and quirkiness! When one has a passion for music, the other a new-found passion for Minecraft....and the third has a passion to enjoy and capture every moment, here is what we came up with - first a singing session when our newly acquired tabla came out, while Raghav played Minecraft alongside, and then Raghav danced to the music like the zombies, creepers, slime and the endermen from Minecraft, while my husband sang with Rahat! Quirky but fun, and an evening well spent! 

So much for Minecraft love :)

A Jugal Bandhi of Minecraft and Rahat Fateh Ali Khan's music!